Does This Make Me Look Fat?

How many times have you caught yourself asking this question?  Are you guilty of asking this question to your friend, spouse, or significant other?  I know I’ve asked my husband this once in awhile.  Since he knows that there’s no right or wrong answer to the question, he’ll either roll his eyes and say nothing or make a witty comment such as, ‘Why are you blaming the jeans?’  Thanks for the reassurance Babe!  One would think that I would know better by now then to ask him but I still do in hopes that one day I’ll get the response I was hoping for.  Heck, when I ask my daughter she gives me a better answer than he does and the good thing about her answers is that I know she’s being honest.

When I do ask him he often rolls his eyes or refuses to justify my question with a response because to him it’s an absurd question that brings him into a no-win situation.  Whether you ask yourself or someone else, you’re asking the question for a reason.  And in all honesty, if I’m asking the question it’s because I already feel that way and I just want some reassurance one way or the other.  I just want someone else’s opinion for crying out loud.  Deep down I keep asking with the hope that one day he’ll tell me what I want to hear:  that I look great!  I’ve even toyed with the idea of making flash cards with appropriate responses for him to give.  That way he can give a mixture of “safe” answers!

Here are some examples I came up with for the prewritten responses:

·         You look great!  Stop worrying.

·         Don’t be silly.  That looks good on you!

·         That shirt makes your (insert body part) look (insert compliment).

·         It looks good but I like how you look in (insert item) better.

·         You’re beautiful in anything that you wear!

In reality, I know he is giving me the reassurance that I seek but in his own way and it is not always in verbal form.  I’ll catch him smiling or staring at me and occasionally he’ll give me a pat on the bottom.  These gestures give me some peace of mind.  I just wish that when I ask him a question he’d give me an honest answer.  Truly, that is the reason I’m asking him; not to start an argument.  Promise!

When I look in the mirror I see things different than what everyone else may see.  Rather than focusing on the whole package I concentrate on specific parts; those I’m not happy with. 

Since I’ve began my journey to a better me, I’ve become more confident and comfortable in my own skin but I’m still not happy with everything I see in the mirror.  I can’t pinpoint why I’m so hard on myself, but I guess it’s a way that I hold myself accountable.  If I’m not living up to my own expectations, then how can I meet the expectations of someone else?  It would be nice for someone to meet mine one day.

Perhaps, I’ll make those cards after all.  I may even include example questions to match with the response; that way it’s always a “safe” answer!